How a DM exposed the difference between authentic connection and manipulative messaging

A few days ago, a friend and mentor Voxered me with one of those “you will not believe this just happened” moments.

She’d received a direct message from someone she didn’t know. No history. No relationship. No context.

It started out like so many LinkedIn messages: polite, enthusiastic, maybe a little vague. But then it veered off in a different direction—fast.

She’d been dropped into a series of automated DMs—one after another, each carrying the faint scent of roquefort cheese and recycled funnel templates—sharp, sour, and hard to miss.

And then came the message that made her pause and say, “Joy, you’ve got to see this. It’s a case study in manipulation.”

She wasn't wrong. What she shared was a masterclass in outcome-obsessed tactics parading as purpose.

The Crescendo Played Out Like This...

“Click. Claim. Conquer.”

“If you don’t respond, you’re abandoning an army waiting for their commander's blueprint.”

“While you hesitate, potential dissipates. This isn’t dramatic—it’s mathematics.”

“Every day you stay silent is another day they fight unarmed.”

“You’re not living in a damn fairy tale.”

Those lines tell you everything you need to know about the tone and underlying intent.

There wasn't genuine curiosity or heartfelt interest. Just a hard shove—wrapped in an underhanded 'motivational' monologue.

It is easy to see that these types of marketing outreach aren't calls to connection. They’re ultimatums wrapped in poetic flair.

And just beneath the plastic veneer, they expose a pushy, self-serving message that’s more about the sender’s agenda than the recipient’s well-being.

How This Approach Went Sideways… Fast

Let’s break down a few pieces of their prose—and what’s wrong with them:

🚫 “Click. Claim. Conquer.” This copy sounds like a slogan for a military operation or a crypto launch, not a personal outreach message.

[FACT] Their message commands without connection, skipping right over discernment and going straight to control.

🚫 “If you don’t respond, you’re abandoning an army...” That’s an attempt to leverage guilt and pressure under the guise of impact.

[FACT] Instead of honoring the recipient, it weaponizes their silence.

🚫 “While you hesitate, potential dissipates...” That's a classic urgency play. This phrase is rooted in fear that unless you act now, you’ll miss your destiny.

[PRO TIP] Kingdom impact doesn’t operate on scarcity or panic. It flows from alignment.

🚫 “You’re not living in a damn fairy tale.” This line was clearly meant to provoke—but it reveals tone-deafness. How? It's combative instead of being catalytic.

It should be easy to see how this approach worked on a lot of assumptions coupled with pressure and fear.

This type of communication also revealed something deeper: the mistaken belief that it’s okay to push if the outcome seems worth it.

But that’s not integrity. That’s pressure disguised as purpose.

This Isn’t Just About Big, Loud Messages

A few days after hearing about that outrageous example, I had my own quiet reminder of how this pressure-forward model is commonly used.

Someone sent me a connection request on LinkedIn. Since we had a few mutual connections, I accepted.

Then I replied with a simple question that is something I often ask when I want to open up authentic dialogue:

“I see we have a few connections in common. So now I’m curious—what prompted you to reach out?”

Their reply?

A sales pitch.

No context. No curiosity. Just a drop-in offer, likely copied and pasted by someone on their team.

So I tried again—gently nudging toward real rapport.

But the person didn’t have time.

They disengaged.

And it became clear: this wasn’t a relationship play.

It was a numbers game.

I was one of dozens—maybe hundreds—on a list.

[FACT] The kind of outreach is subtle, scripted, and often mistaken for sincerity. It is also dressed up as connection but backed by automation without sincere relationship or attention.

This Approach Didn’t Come Out of Nowhere

If you’ve ever been taught to “create urgency,” “highlight pain,” or “lead with a bold ask”…
You’re not alone.

This strategy is everywhere—especially in trainings, business coaching circles, and conversion-driven copywriting courses.

[FACT] This direct-response technique is framed as proven, powerful, and considered necessary if you want to stand out.

[TRUTH] Not everyone who uses this approach comes across as aggressive or manipulative.

Why? Because some sound smooth. Others feel inspiring. And many genuinely mean well.

But here’s the hard truth: even the subtle versions still rely on hype, pressure, or fear to move people.

And that means the fruit (what they produce and what it reflects)—no matter how good the language sounds—is off.

Why This One Message Matters
(Because it’s not just bad marketing—it’s misaligned leadership)

These types of communication strategies are often praised in copywriting circles.

In fact, some of the biggest names (that I've learned from and actively follow) teach it.

And if you’ve ever absorbed their playbooks, you've seen: high emotion + urgent language = high conversion.

But high conversion doesn’t always equal high integrity.

What this style of messaging really reveals is a self-centered posture:

• I want your yes...Now, not later.
• I want your attention...Now, not later.
• I want your participation... Now, on my timeline.

[PRO TIP] The funnel-first mindset is not relationship. It’s focused on one thing: transaction.

And if we say we’re purpose-driven?

If we claim we’re led by the Spirit, then we're not led metrics first.

And our words will reflect that in ALL our communications—even in the quiet, private spaces like DMs and emails.

What to Do Instead
(If you actually want to build trust and reflect authentic relationship)

☑️ Start with sincere connection—not hidden agenda Don’t drop people into funnels. Step into their story gently, respectfully. Relationship requires time, not templates.

☑️ Ask before assuming You are not entitled to someone’s time, interest, or trust, and certainly not their story, insight, or support. Responses should come from alignment, not expectation.

☑️ Speak clearly—but never coerce If your message leans on fear, guilt, or urgency, pause and reframe it through the lens of joy, peace, and patience.

☑️ Let people choose freely If your message doesn’t leave room for a discerning yes or no, it’s not an invitation—it’s a demand in disguise.

☑️ Check your motives before hitting send Is this message about serving them—or getting something from them? If no one ever responded, would you still feel at peace with what you wrote?

A Joyful Communications Approach to Outreach
(Built on honor, rooted in relationship)

If you’re using LinkedIn (or any platform) to grow your network or share your message—
Here are a few ways you can approach others with clarity and integrity:

 💡 Connect with purpose and presence. When you send a connection request, avoid default lines like “Let’s connect!” or “Saw we’re in similar circles.”

[FACT] Authentic online outreach isn't like a cocktail party—genuine connection needs context. Show that by saying why you're reaching out by sharing a sentence that reflects intention, not automation.

💡 Engage before inviting. Leave a thoughtful comment. Respond to something they’ve shared. Show up as a person—not a pitch.

💡 Ask permission to go deeper. Instead of dropping a calendar link or offer right away, try:

"Would you be open to a brief conversation about something that might help you [insert specific benefit or solve a problem they’re likely facing]?"

That one sentence models respect, not assumption.

💡Relationship is the long game. Building authentic trust isn’t about volume or fast conversions. It's about showing up consistently, listening, and letting connection grow over time.

💡 Model your messaging after the One who knows how to build relationships. The Creator doesn’t force connection. He invites it. He leads with truth, patience, and love—and leaves room for choice.

Because Joyful Communication doesn’t pressure.
It plants.
It waters.
It nurtures.
And it leads with authentic connection—that builds over time.

Before You Hit Send...

It's easy to get sucked into the fire, aim, ready mentality.

But what a difference it would make if you took a moment to reflect and evaluate before you hit send. 

Questions you'll want to ask include: 

❓Would this message still feel aligned if the person never replied?
 

❓Am I inviting them into something—or trying to pressure a yes?
 

❓Does this reflect the fruit of the Spirit—or subtle manipulation dressed up as strategy?

Here's what you need to know:

🔥 You don’t have to use manipulative messaging to be persuasive.

🔥 You don’t have to copy the “greats” to build something great.

🔥 And you definitely don’t have to trade your integrity for impact.

Let’s communicate in a way that reflects our values and the stand we're taking:
Spirit-led. People-honoring. Truth-rooted. Joyful.

Why? Because marketing with integrity isn’t weak—it’s rooted in never-changing Truth.

And it’s exactly what your prospective customers—and those in your sphere of influence—are truly seeking.